how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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