I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
