Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
