i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
