Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
