Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
