Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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