It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
