Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
