im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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