I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
