Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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