be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
