it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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