he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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