you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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