Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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