I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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