I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
