yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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