just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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