He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
