need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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