I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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