When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The power of my boobs compel you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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