so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
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