We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Randomize
