Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
