i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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