I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
