good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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