Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
