I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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