I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
