i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
