I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
