great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
