forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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