You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
