DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
