I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
