My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
