Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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