Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
