Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
