worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
