she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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