even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
