I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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