wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
