I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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