I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
